Two quick things

Thing #1: Jim and Sonja have landed in Ireland after a trans-Atlantic jaunt from the Azores. They have begun posting updates on their blog again (also found over on the "blogroll" menu as Sailing with Jim and Sonja).

Thing #2: I am one of the few, apparently, who find the American Apparel ads quite distracting, rather than annoying. Apparently, I'm the target audience for 20 year-olds clad in stretchy cotton. I will admit that this probably indicates a deep, deep psychosis on my part. But even I am mystified by this ad...





Please discuss.

A day in the life of Cancer Guy

Dagnabbit. I told myself that I wasn't going to use this here weblog for these purposes, but it's kind of consumed my recent life. Thus, here is this.

4:38 am Elaine sort of whimper-cries a few times. It is pre-dawn, meaning that it's not pitch dark out anymore. That's just not right, but I did choose to live closer to the North Pole. I have to pee, but I go back to sleep anyway.

5:05 am Elaine sort of whimper-cries a few times. "This one's for real", I tell myself. I tiptoe to the bathroom, hoping to pee before she loses it completely, waking Jill up.

5:07 am Not a peep from Elaine, so I tiptoe back into the bedroom (which is pointless, since every damned board in the floor squeaks and pops at 5am). Elaine sort of cry-whimpers. I freeze, listening. I decide that she's probably waking up, but hedge my bet by tiptoeing back to the kitchen.

5:10 am I decide to get a pot of coffee going, since Elaine has fallen silent again. I place a bottle near the sink, ready to make and shake as soon as she starts up again.

5:14 am Hardly believing my luck, and forgetting that this is not really a victory, I pour a cup of coffee and plop myself down in front of my computer.

5:17 am Having checked my email (nothing new since 6 hours ago), and most anything else that I find interesting, I begin clicking on my various webcomics, sports sites, and Boardgamegeek.

5:50 am Dregs of coffee are cold. I get a warmup. Since I'm up, I pee again.

6:20 am Elaine begins babbling in some foreign tongue. I ignore her until she starts complaining in the universal tongue.

6:22 am Shaking up a bottle, I go to greet the Queen of the Morning. That first hug is indescribable.

6:42 am I admit to myself that Elaine is not likely to go back to sleep after her bottle. We head for the living room where she crawls around hooting at things. I sit on the couch, feeling the irresistible tug of sleep calling to me through the caffeine.

7:15 am Change poopie diaper #1. Change Elaine into actual clothes.


Cycles of eating and sleeping ensue, broken by trips to the store/oncologist/Jill's job/etc. Someone from Jill's work shows up at a predetermined time with a banquet-sized portion of food. I attempt to make room for this in our refrigerator and freezer. (Dishes/laundry/vacuuming) (gets/does not get) done.

7:55 pm Elaine gets put back into pajamas, and maybe gets her teeth brushed and face washed.

8:05 pm Elaine and I dance around the living room to something funky.

8:10 pm Final kisses from mommy

8:12 pm I start to read a book to Elaine, generally "Goodnight, Gorilla".

8:13 pm However, she knows about the bottle. So it's lights out and bottle time.

9:00 pm She finally conks out, completely against her stated wishes. I leave her room like a thief.

9:01 pm I open a beer and do some more dishes, focusing on getting bottles prepped.

10:20 pm Vegging in front of the computer ensues.

11:45 pm Go to bed.

2:08 am Have to pee.

I hope that this gives you a better idea of what I've been going through lately. If anyone has any suggestions for improving my life, I'd be glad to evaluate them publicly.

Feeling better

It felt good to get out the anger the other night. Might have seemed tame to you, but I erased a lot before I settled on the final text. Since then, I found some leftover hope under the couch cushions (this is where I sleep--I'm too wiggly for post-op Jill), and some determination to make some plans and keep them. As soon as she's better from surgery, we're going birding up near Vancouver. Maybe I can find a cheap backpack to throw E into, or maybe we'll just let someone babysit.

To make up for my melodrama the other day, here's some silliness (Phillipe is always good for cheering you up)...

It's too big for the window, so click on it to read it all.

Not a diagnosis...

I am so pissed off right now. Also, I don't believe that this is happening. Also, there must be some kind of mistake. Also, I really, really love Jill, and this is completely unfair. Dammit!

She did everything right. She worked her ass off to get where she is, made very good contacts in an honest, open manner, without backstabbing or climbing over corpses, approached everything with an amazingly thoughtful sense of fairness...she's just an amazing person, and she gets saddled with this. All before she has a chance to really grow her lab, all before the first birthday of our daughter.

Bad things happen to people all of the time. Last week, hundreds of thousands of people died in Asia in a cyclone and earthquake. Many of them were probably amazing people who enriched the lives of others around them, prior to being swept away or crushed to death. Many were schoolchildren. What was left was a tattered remnant of the societal fabric that had existed before. Wounds will mend. Twenty years will pass. Eventually those left with scars will die off, and all is forgotten.

Sorry about this. I'm pretty angry, and wallowing in ugliness is what I'm into right about now. The sun'll come out tomorrow.

Maybe.

(Hey, kids. Sorry about the pottymouth. I think that this is the first time that I said any no-no's in this whole entire blog. That's how I roll...no cussin', no nudie pictures, no talkin' bad about mom.)

Edit: For the sake of historical record, Jill's diagnosis was subsequently corrected to metastatic colorectal cancer. Still pretty bad, but not the automatic death sentence of pancreatic.

Jill

Hi everyone,

As some of you know, Jill has recently undergone emergency surgery for what appeared to be a localized tumor in her colon. It turned out to be more widespread than that, and she had a bilateral ovarectomy in addition to a hemi-colectomy. They also saw peritoneal studding, which is evidence of cancerous growths on the lining of the abdomen. I'm really sorry if you're hearing it here for the first time.

In short, my wife has cancer, and it appears to be aggressive. They removed 99% of what they saw, but it was impossible to get all of it. We won't know for a few days what the tissue of origin is, which determines the treatment options. We have our heads up, and we have a lot of support, and Jill is in one of the best places in the Northwest, receiving excellent care.

To find out more about Jill, and to keep up with her progress, I'd recommend bookmarking this site, which is dedicated to providing regular Jill updates. I won't be doing that here, except as inspiration for other thoughts that I'd like to express.

My basic message to those concerned is that Jill is not dead. Jill is still Jill, and she is going to be around for as long as we have her. I'm not grieving her, and you shouldn't either. The surgeon said that it is going to be an uphill battle, but he also said that long term management was also a good possibility. We just don't know enough yet. She would like to hear from you, though, and she'll be increasingly available on the phone over the next week.

We are so lucky to have so many great friends who have already extended offers of help, or who have offered to come out and lend a hand. Even just thoughts of support are welcome. Thanks to all of you. Really.

Ha! I link, therefore I spam!

That was terrible.

This is not. Kick off your weekend with this clip of one of my favorite bands, The Shins, roaming around Paris playing music at people. I've linked to La Blogotheque in a previous post, a long time ago, but I think that that link is now dead. I find that the new version of the site is a little harder to use, but if you feel like poking around, the amazing music clips are referred to as Take-Away Shows.

Anyways, here's the link.

...and 6 months later...

I finally sent my old boss a draft of my alleged paper. It may or may not ever get published, but at least I dressed that pig up and sent it off to the prom. Now I can sit on my butt and stare vacantly at the wall with absolutely no guilt.

Everything in Moderation?

A few recent news items have given me cause to navel-gaze about my personal politics. In most things, particularly social legislation, I think of myself as a liberal. I also like to add a hasty, "...but I'm fiscally conservative!", at the end of that claim, but I'm not sure how true that is. The reality is that my personality, or my biological interface with real-time society, tends more towards a moderate stance. I have the curse of being able to see both sides of most issues, combined with the competing angel and devil of empathy and pragmatism on my shoulders.

People from Canada and Europe who post regularly at my favorite social forum, Boardgamegeek, are fond of saying that there are almost no liberals in U.S. politics. I think that they're mostly correct. I also think that the majority of people are actually born moderates, but that they tend to drift right or left based on one or two issues that are very important to them. Buying the whole hog, so to speak, when all they wanted was a BLT.

The tricky part about being (and staying) a moderate is the lure of stability. Our political culture frowns upon the wishy-washy, and rewards the "courage" of convictions. It's a bit of a relief to land on one side or the other, where welcoming hands pull your dinghy to shore and clap you on the back for your wise decision. At a personal level, it can be paralyzing to consider everything from all sides. Cars tend to pile up behind you at the drive-thru window, honking in the sunshine.

Anyhows, here's the news items: this story is about a proposal to convert some land in a government-owned park into housing for the homeless (it's much more nuanced than that). It's not in my neighborhood, but it very well could be. Seattle prides itself on being progressive, and voters have supported initiatives to "end homelessness" in the past, but this is where that progressiveness gets put to the test. I think that any neighborhood is going to fight this due to an increased risk of crime and plummeting property values. However, it's really difficult to imagine any other way of solving this problem short of creating a slum downtown. I would like to see homeless people get more of an opportunity for personal stability, particularly if they have children. I would really want to vote FOR this if it came up in my neighborhood, but I'm not sure if I could actually pull the trigger. I've committed to providing for the future of a family here, and such a vote seems irresponsible in light of that.

The second one is about torturing alleged terrorists. I know that there are domains in which the U.S. government acts outside of all laws, and a small part of me supports this capability, evil as it is (I'm not proud of this, just being honest). I think the reason lies in the thought experiment that's often posed by bad television shows, like "24": what do you do when the clock is ticking on a nuclear device in a metropolitan area, or when someone is holding your loved ones, and you have someone in front of you, tied to a chair, who may or may not have the solution? Applied to national security, it would seem on the surface to be irresponsible and unrealistic to shackle our guard dogs against the insidious and persistent threat of terror attacks. So why not just make it legitimate, and protect the perpetrators of torture from the threat of prosecution and notoriety? I guess because it's a terrible policy and is irredeemably immoral, and that accepting it for the sake of national security is a slippery slope to seeing it applied to more homegrown types of criminal behavior (or seeing the terrorism tag applied to a broader range of offenses).

Just Flotsam

Like a father to a child, scattering toys and candy out in a dazzling array in the hopes of a distraction-free televised sporting event (I give you...Parenting!), I offer you these less-than-filling leavings:

A link! It's a Yelp! review. This place is about three blocks from my house. It's a monolithic white building with a little "reading room" in front.

Here's more info on their religion.


An observation! Here in the Pacific NW, there are almost no shrimp. Anything larger than cocktail shrimp (or Calabash, as we called them in SC) are called prawns. Growing up in Michigan, I had always thought prawns were something like crayfish, and would only be found in bayou country or something. Then, restaurants in Ann Arbor of a certain class (the class that puts an elegant "24" next to the blue cheese-topped, rosemary buttered Kobe sirloin; not "$24", never "$23.95") began to feature dishes with prawns. This subtle change made these cheap, fleshy, aquatic bugs seem like something that you hunt at great personal risk. I think this trend in nomenclature is referred to as Manhattanization. However, the universality of this local usage leads me to believe that it is long-standing and genuine. I had Curry Prawns from the Thai delivery place tonight.

A cute picture!

Do you think I could be a nerd, too?

Always one to be late to the party (I only just started wearing dark, skinny jeans (drainpipes to you Scots) and uber-tight white t-shirts while sipping my Yerba Mate with Joanna Newsom twittering on in the background), I've decided that it is time for me to delve into the world of role-playing games. What, you ask, has led me to this most base state of existence? Have I no friends? Did some crisis strike my life that has led to a regression from reality, necessitating play-acting with dice? To the first question, I suggest that taking on such an endeavor actually implies a base of supportive and like-minded friends. To the second, I point to the benefits, upon advancing in age, of mental exercise that is intended to keep the imagination sharp.

I played a little D&D in my first, less successful phase of attending college. In one session, I used a character that someone had been using previously. In another, I did a bit of homework and attempted to DM the session. Both of these sessions were with rather inexperienced players, so I never really got a sense of what role-playing is all about.

Last year, Mustafa (and Kathy) put in a great deal of work to prepare background materials for a Call of Chthulu stand-alone scenario. Jonathan, Theresa, and I were the players in this case, taking on what turned out to be a pretty creepy vampire in a very well-run game. Again, I don't think that any of us (except Mustafa) had had much experience in actually role-playing. If we had all had more time on our hands, we could have probably made up a regular group and honed our characters and role-playing skills.

My experiences playing Arkham Horror and fantasy boardgames like Prophecy have, more recently, whet my appetite for some RPG goodness. This has reached the point where I am seriously hunting down a few books that I owned back in fifth grade--namely, the Player's Handbook and Dungeon Master's Guide. You know, for bedside reading. Some of our new (and old) friends here in the Emerald City are (or were) regular RPGers, and I'm hopeful that I can either squeeze into a slot on one of their game nights or start my own up.

The number of quality RPG worlds out there is actually pretty high. D&D is a classic, and is more than sufficient for that genre. But Deadlands (the Weird West) is also intriguing. The world of Lovecraft, of superheroes, etc., all beckon, but not in a Peter Pan way. It's more of a "get together and tell a good story" kind of situation that I'm seeking.

As I don my wizard hat, I hope that you'll wish me well, and not judge me too harshly...

Happy Earth Day

Earth Day is a great time to make a lasting change in our lives. We can use less energy, reduce pollution, resolve to vote for officials who have green voting records, contribute funds to worthwhile organizations, and even take steps to make our own properties less of a problem for the local ecosystem. Jill and I are planning to install a porous driveway and patio using interlocking stones and to convert a large portion of the property to "natural" area, in order to reduce the amount of mowing and to better control runoff. We have checked into solar panels and are probably going to go for it next year. The state of Washington offers tax breaks for homeowners who install solar panels from in-state manufacturers.

The city of Seattle is known for it's progressive legislation, which can lead to much-needed reforms as often as well-meaning debacles. In regards to trash collection, they have provided homeowners with 4 different choices of trash container sizes. There are penalties for having a large proportion of recyclables in your trash. That's the stick; the carrot is the difference in cost to recycle versus waste disposal: a large bag of garbage costs around $6, the same volume of recycling costs a little over $3, and it's just over $2 for yard waste/composting pickup.

We have a large trash roller bin, a large yard waste roller bin, a paper/cans/plastic recycling roller bin, and a smaller recycling bin for bottles. Food waste, excepting meats and dairy, can go into the yard waste bin, which is sent to a composting yard. As I've said before, I don't mind this kind of trash policing, although it forces you to make a trip to the dump if you have an excess of trash. We had about 15 bags of styrofoam packing board from furniture purchases, and it would have been quite expensive to leave them out by the trash cans. It cost me 30 minutes and $10 to take them to the transfer station myself.

In most household trash, about 1/3 is compostable table scraps, including coffee grounds, all veggie scraps, nuts, eggshells, and cereals, such as rice. We've noticed a huge reduction in our weekly trash output since we started separating out these items. We're going to get a composting tumbler for the yard sometime soon, instead of sending our scraps off to the city.

Our countertop composter


Get out there and be a hero!

Since you asked

Sonja suggested that our new couch is the Mother of All Sofas. As anyone who has rested upon it can attest, it is RATHER comfortable. It's not as huge as all that, however. We had a lot of trouble finding just the right size for our space.

Here's some more shots of it. It has enriched our lives beyond all human reckoning.